Hey You…You Are Not a Failure!

For generations women have felt like they can’t quite measure up.  Like in some way they are always failing at something.  Call it insecurity, high expectations, or our desire to do it all.  Whatever you want to name it, we always feel like in some way we are lacking, and not quite enough.  We see it all the way back in Eve.  In Genesis 3:5 Satan is tempting Eve to eat the fruit.  He says “For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate…” (Genesis 3:5-6, ESV, emphasis mine)

Eve saw there was an area she wasn’t as good as she could be.  A way she was not enough, failing even.  So she ate.

I fear that our feelings of failure has us reaching and stretching in areas we were not meant to, and are sinful even, just as Eve did.

The uniqueness of the age we find ourselves in, is that we have a front row seat (courtesy of Pinterest and social media) to everyones talents and successes.  And seldom their failures.  While Eve was tempted by just one person from who she could compare herself and find herself lacking; thanks to Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and blogs we literally have thousands.  Often hundreds just on a daily basis.

We need to have discernment with what we expose ourselves to.  If I or someone else you follow, or are “friends” with makes you feel like a failure, take action!  If you constantly pass by someones pictures and feel less than, stop following them!  If you find you can’t use Pinterest as a source of inspiration or helpful tool, and instead feel lacking every time you login…STOP LOGGING IN.  It’s so hard to protect ourselves from the bombardment of perfection everywhere we look, but as much as we can we need to filter what’s coming in.

It used to be, that when we saw someone who was really great at something, we usually knew them and had some sort of an actual interaction with them that gave us a glimpse into the rest of their life.  In other words, some semblance of relationship.

Now we don’t have any balance for filtering everyones brilliance and successes, which just leaves us feeling like a failure…constantly.

Or maybe it’s just me.

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Everyone has certain types of friends…there’s the one whose house is always spotless, the one who is a fitness nut and has rock hard abs, the one who is an amazing cook, the one who can create stuff out of literal junk, the one who just spouts wisdom and grace every time she opens her mouth, the one whose house looks like a design gallery, the fashion guru who is impeccably dressed with perfectly coiffed hair, the one who has an amazing job, the one who is uber organized, the one who has a green thumb, etc.  The thing is, because we know these people and interact with them, we know that for instance our friend the fitness nut ran around in gym clothes all day.  She didn’t look like the fashion guru and her hair wasn’t done.  Because she spent most of her morning working out, she didn’t have time to plant flowers, and clean or organize.  The friend whose house is spotless spends a chunk of her time cleaning so she doesn’t have time to make stuff out of junk (and the idea scares her a bit).  And our friend with the amazing job?  Well, she’s got a great job and loves what she does (and the money that goes with it), but her house is a mess, she never has times to cook, and often feels like she’s a terrible mom (as most moms do!).

No one can win at all these things.

I wrote a post last week about all the things I had been working on in the last couple of weeks.  Literally two weeks worth of stuff, while the majority of my kids were in school.  After posting it, a friend commented on how it made her feel tired. She graciously apologized for how it came off, but I totally got it.  She’s a teacher, and I’m so grateful she is!  She’s amazing at it, kind and gracious.  She has one of the cutest classrooms I’ve ever seen.  She leaves her two kiddos in childcare to serve and teach a couple dozen kindergartners and their parents.  Praise the Lord for women like her!  As I read back over my post I realized, of course she felt tired!  There was no way she was going to be able all those things.  If I had a job where I left the house each day, I wouldn’t be able to either!

Plus, no one got to see behind the scenes.  My room is literally covered with laundry.  Piles and piles.  Some of it folded and needing to be put away, some of it not.  The rest of my house doesn’t look much better either.  Dinner was pieced together from scraps in the fridge and pantry, and some nights we just went out.  Two days when my daughter was home, she watched TV all day so I could finish up projects or cook stuff.  That was our reality.  I make the food, and craft the things and jot down my thoughts here…for the most part I feel like I’m winning at that stuff.  But my house is a mess more often than not.  I HATE laundry.  It is the bane of my existence.  If there were a laundry service, I would coupon just to be able to afford it.  I’m not very good at being super fun mom and playing with my kids…I have to think really hard and plan that sort of stuff.  I struggle with pouring enough wisdom and grace into my life courtesy of great books and the Bible often enough that grace and wisdom flow out when I open my mouth.  It’s been a lot longer than I care to admit since I last ran, despite the fact I actually enjoy running.  This is my reality.  My strengths and my shortcomings.  It’s not all cute selfies, well dressed kids and yummy meals.

When I’m feeling like a failure, I try to focus on my strengths instead of all the areas it seems I’m failing in.  Sometimes though, even that gets hard.  The irony is when I wrote the post, part of the reason I had been quiet was because over and over that week Satan had been whispering in my ear that I’m not really a writer, that I don’t really have anything worthwhile to say.  That I am wasting my time, and no one wants to hear what I’ve got to say.  I’m not helping anyone (which is my deepest desire here, NOT to make you feel like you can’t measure up), and that I’m not good enough.  Not at writing, not at cooking, not at crafting, not at entertaining, not at being a mom, not at loving others, not at loving Jesus…over and over that week until I finally yelled “ENOUGH!”  That’s why I wrote that post…the post that made my friend feel tired.  It was an attempt at silencing the enemy, and attempt to justify myself, to say I am enough, and what I have to offer may not be much, but Jesus can use what I have to offer in a mighty way.

Each day, that’s my heart.  To offer something up with shaking hands, knowing that it’s not perfect, and it’s not enough.  Christ takes our offerings and lifts our head and looks into our eyes just like the woman who anointed Him with tears and perfume and responses to the naysayers “why do you trouble the woman?  For she has done a beautiful thing to me.” (Matthew 26:10, Mark 14:6)

Often, I fear we see others attempts at offering something beautiful to the Lord as threats against our own confidence and feel pressure to offer up the exact same thing.  Thus leaving us feeling as if we are failing.

You may fail, but you are not a failure.

When we claim to be failures we mock the creator of the universe who does not fail, nor creates failures.  In fact, He died so that we can do the exact opposite of fail.  He has given us everything we need to succeed, as long as we look to Him as our strength and find ourselves enough in Him.

I am not a failure.  You are not a failure.  There are areas I can grown in (and should grow in), and ways I can mature.  There are ways I just need to depend more on Christ to enable me to be a better servant (laundry anyone?).  Then there are areas I need to recognize the voice of Satan-the father of lies, and silence his voice and replace it with the voice of my Creator who tells us that we were created by Him (Gen. 1:27, Psalm 139:13), that He rejoices over us (Zeph. 3:17), and that He loves us and died for us (Eph. 2:1-10).

Feeling like we aren’t enough appears to be part of our DNA courtesy of EVE, but we get to choose where it leads us.  Will we reach for fruit that is not ours to take, or will we find ourselves and our contentment in the one who created us?  Find our worth, beauty and feel enough in Him?