I’m sitting at Starbucks preparing to write a post about community, and my perpetual people watching is distracting me.
There’s an older man, meeting with a college aged/early career younger man. It’s obviously a mentorship role, as they are discussing life, where they are at, words like bible college, youth group, pastor and other such lingo is being dropped.
At the table across from them is a group of high school students with bibles wide open, deep is discussion.
My heart beams at these sights….the kind of community that is described in places like Acts 2 and Titus 2. The kind of community that is birthed from the community that the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit have with one another. It is good, and it is right.
And yet….
If you’ve been in Christian community, a church, or even a relationship of any sort for any length of time, it won’t be news to you that relationships, community…it’s MESSY. And HARD.
And here’s the thing I’m figuring out….it’s supposed to be.
One of the drums I want to constantly beat is that for community. We were made for it, supposed to have it, and it should be one of the trademarks of a life pursuing Christ. I think real authentic, healthy community and how we serve and love one another in the midst of it is one of the many ways Jesus pursues people for Himself. I think where real deal community is had, Jesus loves to show it off. I imagine Him bragging “these are my people, my followers, this is only achieved through me, it’s sweet and good, come join us!”
And who doesn’t want in on that? Not a group of people that look just like you and are from the same lifestyle as you…but people from all different backgrounds, ages, races, socio-economoic statuses…having real relationship. Dealing with their stuff (which in case you didn’t know…we all have), pursuing Jesus, encouraging one another, and being prayed over. When you are going through the hard stuff, getting calls, texts, or even people stopping by to hug you, and maybe slip you a check or meal that helps you make it through. When you are in the good times, people who are cheering with you in the season, laughing with you, toasting the joys and accomplishments. I want more of that. I think we all do, and were made to.
I’ve long since been frustrated as I watch the church (referring to big church…believers of Christ) argue over stuff that at the end of the day…just doesn’t matter. We push people away with our bickering and pride that keeps us stuck in the mud. As I watch these scenarios pop up over and over among denominations, people groups, or even in my own relationships, I’ve noticed a common theme.
When we have taken our eyes off of Jesus and keep them on the things around us, the people around us or our own selves, is when we start having relational issues.
The only way we can have the type of community that we all so desperately long for (and were made to long for!) is to keep our eyes on Christ.
There’s a reason it says in Mark 12:30-31 to love God first, and then others (our neighbor). We can’t love others well without first loving Christ.
Easier said than done.
One of the beauties of being in community is that it helps reveal the areas where you are still weak, where you need more refining, and a whole lot more Jesus. Ironically community being one of my biggest passions, it’s also been the area where God likes to keep refining me in. Seeing if I’m willing to put my money where my mouth is.
As I look back on several situations I’ve walked through that have conflict within community, it breaks my heart to see how much I let it consume me. In the midst of those difficult circumstances, thoughts of the conflict, the person or scenario played over and over in my head. I dwelled on it, analyzed it, assumed thoughts and motivations for the other person. I rarely took my thoughts captive and seldom viewed the conflict as an opportunity for MY growth to see my selfishness, pride, and wrong doing. I focused on the other person(s).
I took my eyes off Jesus. I kept them on a person, on my thoughts/ideas, on my pride, on harsh words.
I don’t think I’m the only person with these tendencies.
How much have you thought about your relational struggle(s)? How much has it consumed you? There’s a reason when we have conflict that it nags at us…we aren’t meant to operate with it. That unrest is a gift from God urging us to make it right. We aren’t supposed to ignore it, or shove it down and not think about it.
I’m leading a bible study right on Recovering Redemption by Matt Chandler. I cannot say enough great things about this study. If psychology and theology created a bible study baby, this would be in it. And being a dork who loves to research and learn about both those things, it’s totally my happy place. In the book he talks about how hardly ever is there only one person completely at fault, how almost always, there is a share in responsibility for the issue at hand. He goes on to say “True, one of the combatants may have done considerably less to start the fire or stir the pot. They may have handled themselves very patiently and honorably considering what went down. But typically they did do something. The percentage on their side of the equation may be calculated in the single digits to low teens-nothing more than a chilly reception perhaps-but it does register on the thermometer. And 20 percent of sin, even when dwarfed by somebody else’s 80 percent, is still sin.”
Ouch. We need to own what we can, and should. Not out of expectation of the return of apology, or to one up the person. Humbling ourselves and being repentant.
Not sure about you, but I kind of suck at that. So much better than I used to be, but still such a long ways to go.
Community is hard, because if we are doing it right, we are going to have to deal with our stuff. The ways we don’t really trust God. The ways we think we’re better than others (even though of course we’d never say that). Our insecurity that pushes others away. Our pride that puts our views and ideas higher than someone else’s views and ideas…or maybe just above someone else. The busyness we allow to rule our lives which keeps everyone just far enough away. The bitterness we allow to enter in when someone has something we don’t (house, spouse, kids, nice vacations, new car, a certain size waist…). Our stuff is ugly and messy, and Christ wants to get rid of it, and often uses people to reveal it.
It’s supposed to be hard but in God’s grace He makes it so, so sweet.
The late night talks you can’t pull yourself away from. When you laugh so hard your sides hurt. When you drive around with the windows down singing at the top of your lungs together. When you raise a glass to celebrate what God is doing in life. When you grin the whole evening. When you’re heart is broken and there are friends praying over you, and speaking encouragement to you…helping you press on. When you mourn and weep with one another. When the miracle happens and you cry tears of joy together. When you can’t wait to pick up the phone to talk about what happened. When you finally have the hard talk and the hug after. When you stand shoulder to shoulder fighting the good fight in unity.
All the porches, meals, laughter, and tears, prayers and encouragement…this is community with Christ as the cornerstone.
Being made Christ like is hard with or without community, but it’s so much sweeter within it.
“So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Christ Jesus himself being the cornerstone, in whom the whole structure, being joined together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord. In Him you also are being built together into a dwelling place for God by the Spirit.”
Ephesians 2:19-22 (emphasis mine)
You’re not a stranger, you are a fellow citizen. Enter in. Be joined together, as messy as it is, and God will build us together, with Christ as the cornerstone. He wants to dwell among us…let’s not be afraid of the hard and allow Him the space to do so.
