I am a researcher. Before I go into a situation, or do something, I want to know everything I can about it. This means when I’m going into some sort of conversation or meeting, you bet I’ve played about just about every imaginable rabbit trail that could occur in my head. This also means that when I’m about to do something, I like to be very educated on the topic. Like when we moved to GA…before we even bought a house I knew the best area to live, the best school districts, how long the commute would be from said area, approx. how many days it rained in GA, and how long it would to take to get to Whole Foods and the best route to take.
As we considered adoption, it was no different. I spent at least a month just researching agencies to pre-apply to! I have joked with several people that I almost researched myself out of adoption.
As I learned a lot about the process, the different countries, expectations and costs, I still felt one thing lacking.
No matter how much I googled, I struggled to find very many real life experiences about how the process feels. I found lots of timelines and updates about the process, but very little talking about the emotions or struggles that one experiences in walking through the process. It’s a really hard line. When you’re in the midst of the struggle and feeling all the feels…it’s hard to know what to share and what not to share. It’s hard to have clarity of thought. I know for me, it’s when I have a lot of emotions and struggles that I tend to shut down, and so has been the tendency thus far.
We don’t know a lot of people that have adopted internationally. We are kind of pioneers in our world at the moment. As I’ve thought and prayed about what we are doing, I hoped it to be about more than just us, our family and our daughter. I hoped that as we stepped out and did the crazy thing and people saw that it wasn’t quite as crazy as they thought it would be, they were encouraged to follow suit.
I want to be a voice for those who are searching for answers, more insight, or maybe just to help put words to their emotions.
Print courtesy of Panda Eight
While I’m still struggling through what to share and what not to share, I’m hoping to err on the sharing side. Please be gracious with me as I figure out how to talk about all the emotions and feelings that go with this process while I’m still very much IN process, and have the very clouded mind that accompanies it. I also want to be wise and discerning about what my words add to my daughters story. Some day she will read through this and I am trying to figure out the line between sharing what I’m feeling, our experiences and what is her story, and her alone to tell. I’m not sure where that line is and will likely overstep to one extreme or the other at times.
If you’re thinking about adoption…awesome! I think God takes that seed and grows it. Don’t be scared by the fear and doubt and questions, just keep learning and moving forward step by step. A year ago, we in no way thought we would be in the home study/dossier building process, but here we are. God took this idea and passion and just started rolling it, and snowballing it. One question led to another, led to another, led to another…and after all the questions were answered (or at least the ones that could be) it was decision time. Although by that point it didn’t feel like all that big of a decision. Hang around for awhile…hopefully I can answer some questions and encourage you as your open to this.
If you’re in the process, thanks for stopping by! Let’s be friends, ok? Because I need to know I’m not the only one doing this hard thing right now. I want to celebrate each step forward with you, and want to encourage you when it seems like you’ve taken two steps back. Community is more important than ever it seems like, and I would love to build up more of a community that gets what it is we are doing. Hopefully, as my jumbled thoughts spill into words there will be some that give a voice to what you are going through, and you can say “hey, me too!”
To those that have adopted, praise God you are here! We need your wisdom, and insight! All the voices that I’ve already heard saying “it’s SO worth it!”, please keep saying it! It seems like I can’t hear that enough! We need your encouragement and guidance. Thank you for pioneering this road ahead of us! Thanks for being crazy too! I’m sorry if we weren’t as supportive when you were going through this…we just didn’t know.
To friends and families of those considering adoption/foster care, in process of, or those who have adopted…thank you for your grace. This process is consuming, and craze inducing. No matter how we are acting, we are desperate for your support and encouragement. I mean, we can muscle through without it, but having it just makes this so much easier. We might seem crazy, or stupid, and you may not understand what we’re doing…please love us anyways! Please respect that we don’t have all the answers and we are just trying to be obedient to what God has called us to. Even if you don’t understand or like the calling, please encourage us as we pursue obedience and love.
I hope that in the weeks to come I can answer a few of the many questions we’ve been asked about what the last almost year and half process of just choosing international adoption, picking an agency, picking a country, and researching adoption ethics looked like for us. Thanks for hanging out and wanting to learn more about adoption!