Do the Hard Thing

Outside my window the cool breeze of fall is blowing through the trees.  The winds of change are blowing in.

And I’m ever so grateful.

I wrote awhile back how it’s been a season of winter that we’ve been trudging through for many months now.  I am so very pleased to see the seasons changing.

I’m not sure how God always works or manifests himself in your life, but for me, He’s always called me to do hard things.

The choices, decisions, and paths He has guided me down aren’t ever the ones that seem obvious or make sense.  Often, it’s the path that everyone is standing in front of saying doesn’t make sense, and shouldn’t be done.  Waving their hands trying to stop me and pointing me down the other more obvious and well worn path.

The Lord has had me recalling one of those seasons a lot this past week, bringing up memories of desperation, and how He showed up…I believe in preparing my heart to see that kind of direction again.

I had big plans for what I was going to do with my life.  Lofty career goals and dreams, big city living and getting away from home were all in the plan.  So when God said no to all that and made me wait; to stay with no plan or direction for almost a year, I wasn’t all that pleased about it.  I pleaded month after month for direction, the next step, guidance.  And He stayed silent.  Patience is not a strong suit of mine.  I needed out, and hope and God wasn’t giving either to me.  I had already faced more faith challenges than the typical 18 year old and felt like God owed me (a pretty sinful attitude).  So I told Him that, and that I’d hung on without answers or feeling His presence, and I couldn’t keep going.  Show up at a conference I was headed to, or I was out.

I don’t recommend this attitude.  I do not hold this up as ideal or healthy…for me it was literally desperation.  Desperation for Him, for what He wanted for me, and desperation to get out of the situation I was in.  I wanted to know where He wanted me to GO.  He had business to do with me WHERE I WAS before He could give me those answers.

I went to the conference.  Denver Christmas Conference (DCC) with Campus Crusade for Christ, or Cru as they’re calling it these days.  I loved every minute of that trip.  A long bus ride, downtown Denver (I’m such a city girl), good food, serving in the inner city, preaching from the Word, dancing, worshipping, and laughing all with my best friend and several other great ones by my side.  It was exactly the respite I needed.  God was there the whole time, speaking, pouring into my heart, preparing me.  Really, He’d been there all along, but knew silence would be the catalyst I needed to be desperate enough to hear something crazy.

One of the things I love about Cru, and why we love supporting staff there is their push towards missions.  Whether it be on campus, or in another country, they are encouraging college students to step out in faith.  DCC was no exception and on the last night there was an opportunity to pledge one year of your life to missions.  For me it seemed like a no brainer, I had always had a heart to do missions and ministry, and was hopeful that would be where the Lord directed my career path.  As I was preparing to sign my name with several others, God showed up.

Now, I’m not sure where you stand on thinking God audibly talks to you.  I’m sure for lots it seems pretty far fetched.  Even as one who does believe He speaks to people, I am cautious of the claim that He has done so from people.  I will say, I can count on a few fingers the amount of times I have heard His voice and know beyond a shadow of a doubt what He is telling me.  Much more often for me, guidance and prompting comes from the Word, or a small nudge in my heart that needs to be checked against scripture.

I think He knew I needed to hear Him, and to KNOW that He was there.  He told me to go to Ukraine for a year, and that He hadn’t shown me where He wanted me to go to school was because He didn’t want me to go to school, He wanted me to go to Ukraine.  I was shocked, confused, humbled, repentant, excited and stunned all at once.  I couldn’t have told you where Ukraine was on a map.  I had heard of the country once or twice because it happened to be the country our area partnered with to send students to.  Literally knew nothing about it.  Except that I was going.

It made no sense.  Leaving the country for a year is not a good career or college plan. It was less than a year after 9/11. I had to raise a crazy amount of money in less than nine months.  I knew none of the people going. I was one of the youngest people they ever approved to go on STINT (short term international).  Even my best friend who was standing next to me when I heard God thought I was crazy. Heck, I thought it was crazy, but I had been begging for God to tell me what to do, and He had.  So I was going to do it.  With everyone one I knew standing in front of the path less traveled telling me not to go down it, that it didn’t make sense, and directing me to the other way that made more sense.

That year in Ukraine, was the hardest year of my life.  It was also the most spiritually shaping year of my life.

I’ve been on that precipice a few other times.  Making crazy life decisions when we found ourselves pregnant 2 months into marriage.  Moving across country with babies twice.  Not moving back home when you are miserable where you are.  My life is full of decisions that logic and reasoning would have decided against.

I’m far enough into this thing now to know that God doesn’t make sense.  At least not to me.  I’m called to the hard things, the crazy things.  He’s in my (and your) business…making us face our biggest fears, helping us cope when the thing we hoped against hope wouldn’t happen again happened, dealing with that deep rooted sin pattern that’s been in our family for generations that we asked Him to end with us…He deals with all of it and more.  And it hurts, and it’s SO hard, but in the end, it’s SO good, because we look more like Him.

And for me that has only happened because I took the less traveled path.

Maybe your crazy thing is to go.  Maybe it’s to stay.  Maybe everyone around you is telling you to go a different, safer way that makes more sense…but you just can’t shake your pull to the other direction.

I find myself at that trailhead again, lots of people pointing the other direction, to the path that’s easier and makes more sense. My path is going to be hard and filled with missteps and falls.  I sure could use a hand or two to help me up and less “I told you so’s”. If I’m honest, I’m not even completely sure I’m ready for the climb, yet I know it’s where I’m called.

The winds of change are blowing in and I’ve got a hard trek ahead.  At the end is richer relationship with my Creator and a new season filled with hope.