The boys were headed off to watch a baseball game tonight, so I threw together a girls night in for the girls and I. Popcorn, pj’s and The Little Mermaid.
Which would have been amazing if it were just my oldest daughter. But Naomi doesn’t watch anything yet. She spilled so much popcorn the dog wouldn’t even eat it all so I had to sweep it up. She got down and back up and messed up our spot in the movie so we had to rewind. I changed two blowouts because we are having some major digestive issues.
She doesn’t want me to hold her much and doesn’t know how to snuggle. When she’s ready for bed she just wants to be laid in bed. She is doing great connecting, but it’s just different. We are a family of huggers and snugglers and she’s just not there yet. Which is ok.
Right now she’s in full toddler phase, and that is demanding and exhausting, especially when you throw in a ton of diapers and eating issues. It means we don’t go out much, and I’m mostly cleaning up the next mess or diaper or playing short order cook.
And in less than a week my oldest starts middle school and my youngest starts Kindergarten. And my heart is ACHING to spend some alone time with them and talk through how they are feeling about all this, and do fun back to school things.
There are a lot of do’s and don’ts in the adoption world. There are code words and books and a language all of its own. I’ve read almost all of the books. Done two different rounds of training, and gained insight from a ton of adoptive parents.
But here’s where I’m going to go against the grain. Just like any other philosophy and ideology, at the end of the day, you need to make it work for you, not let it rule you.
I’ve read a lot of parenting books. I drove myself crazy when I tried to be the exact parent they said I should be. So I’ve gleaned a little from here and a little there. And while we are far from perfect parents, I don’t think we suck.
So I’m going to get a sitter this week to watch my newly adopted child (gasp!). Because I’m HAPPY with her level of attachment, and she’s not showing indiscriminate affection, and I have the most amazing sitter that will follow any crazy thing I ask her to.
I’m NOT happy with how out of sync I’ve been feeling with my older three. So I’m going to take some time while that sitter is over to grab a snack with my oldest after his orientation (which we’ll attend sans siblings) to chat. My mini me and I are going to get pedis this weekend, and my younger son and I will probably squeeze in some time next week because his transition is a little less intimidating, and he’s already getting mini golf with dad this weekend.
This has been a hard transition. It’s going really well, and she’s doing incredible, but it’s hard. I’m learning in a whole new way that good and hard aren’t mutually exclusive, and can be mingled together in a beautiful nuance.
Adoption is beautiful and hard with new challenges and new marvels at each turn. I’m trying to appreciate each one as we continue to navigate our next moves forward as a family.