Just Keep Swimming

To borrow a phrase from Ron Burgundy: “I’m in a glass case of emotion”.

My baby girl just graduated Pre-K and is currently attending her last day of preschool EVER.  Next week my oldest will walk the halls of his elementary school for the last time and be middle school bound.  The government hates us and keeps messing all our stuff up, and I have no idea when we are going to China.  On top of all the cupcakes, and parties and BASEBALL (all the baseball), and birthdays, and just all the things…I may loose it at any minute.

Basically, since my last post, God has been making me live out that whole being patient in affliction thing.

Once our dossier was fully transferred over, the next step was to wait on LSC (letter seeking confirmation/LOA).  With our dossier having already been in China awhile, it was expected this process should go quickly for us, since some of it should have already been translated.  The average time frame for an LSC wait was around 45 days.  The longest our agency had seen it go was 55 days.  The thought we may have it quicker to 30.  We started the LSC wait on March 1.  April 1 came and went with no news.  April 10 came and went with no news.  Each day I was emailing and checking on the situation, as it should have been ANY DAY NOW.  Finally, on day 51, we got LSC.  About 20 days later than we expected it.

On to I800, Woo Hoo!  We sent an application off to our government with about 100 pages of info on us, and our girl, which basically approves us to adopt and make her a US citizen.  Our agency sent three applications the same day, overnighted at the same time.  We have FedEx confirmation ours arrived on April 26.  Once it’s received you should get a text and email notifying of it’s arrival and giving you a new SIM number to track through the process.  We never received ours.  I knew something was up, but was recommended to wait (ALWAYS trust your mom gut).  So we waited, and I called each day trying to get more information.

Finally, last Thursday, someone was able to confirm that it was probably lost, and I should resend another application.  Our agency rallied and in less than 24 hours reprinted all the necessary docs, and overnighted them my way.  We redid our part of the application, threw it in the package with the rest and overnighted it to USCIS.  It arrived first thing Monday morning, and on Tuesday we received the text notification we should have over 2 weeks ago.

Except this morning, I get ANOTHER text.  Turns out they FINALLY found our application, and now we have two applications in process which is a no-no. So I keep sending emails and making calls to the place where words like urgent, and important and expedite go to die under a never ending sea of papers.

This delay pushes everything back 2 weeks as of right now.  It REALLY stinks.  When we got our dossier transferred, it was projecting to look like we would travel early June.  After the long LSC wait, it was looking like it would be early July, maybe late June.  And as of right now, we really have no idea, but best case looks to be middle of July, which quite honestly, really sucks.  Our kids go back early August, and there are open houses and school supplies, and all the things that need to be done.  Things I need to be HERE for.

I don’t understand why all of this is happening, and why things keep getting pushed back so dramatically.  I’m trying REALLY hard to trust that there is a reason, but it’s an hour by hour (sometimes minute by minute) struggle where I have to keep mentally handing it back over to God and stop trying to do it all.  Trying to live out the words I typed with such gusto just over a month ago.

This process has pried so much from my hands.  Materialism, Patience, friends, just doing things I want to do, and currently highest on the list: control.  Turns out I really like control.  I even give myself the illusion of control when I don’t have any by thinking through every possible situation and scenario so I can be prepared for any of them.  My backup plans have backup plans, people.  Except now.  I literally cannot plan anything.  I control nothing.  All my calls and emails get me nowhere.  All the things I think might happen in the fall are all hypothetical, completely dependent on a little girls emotional and physical well being.  Things that seems deeply embedded in the way our family does life are now in question.  Mom is always there for open house, and for curriculum night…well, maybe not.  Mom might be in China. Or she might be in an OR waiting room. Or just not out in public because little miss can’t deal.  Who knows?!

I can control what’s for dinner tonight, and I am actually really enjoying that there is something I can make a decision on and control and make happen RIGHT NOW.  I may not know anything else about what is happening in my life, but I can control dinner, dammit!

So if you interact with me in the next few weeks, please have grace with me.  I am such a hot mess. If you hug me and I start crying on you, please just excuse my dramatic outburst.  The amount of change going on in our lives right now feels incredibly overwhelming and I literally cannot with all the things.

Maybe we’ll go to China this summer.  Maybe we’ll go in the fall.  I know nothing anymore.  Just keep swimming.