Lots happening, and not tons of time to update here. If you are following our adoption closely, feel free to hop on over to Facebook and request to follow our group. I can do short blurbs, but the blogging has seemed intimidating.
Right now we are waiting for Article 5 pickup on June 14. (I800 FINALLY received on May 23, a month after sending it) After that starts TA wait, the final stateside hoop to jump through.
We could have been in China right now if it weren’t for the delays. But the delays were grace. There is no way we would have been prepared to leave right now without insane amounts of stress. We’ve been able to fit in time and trips as a family. I’ve been able to complete home projects.
And I’ve been buying all the things. Most packing lists for China are about 2-3 pages long, and the clothes are the simple part. Medicines, prescriptions, over the counter, first aid…I’m going to be a walking CVS. Toys that she might like…toys for the bath, or the pool, entertainment for down time in the room and at appointments, downloads for the insanely long flight there and back, the in country flights and the bullet train.
The gear. I forgot how much gear toddlers took. Plus they still have her in diapers and on bottles and we want her to keep as much of her routine as possible, so I’m bringing diapers (America’s apparently are a bit more absorbent), and bottles, and sippy cups. We might eat in room so we need paper bowls and plates and snacks for her and us. For during all the traveling, and all the appointments, and just because snacks, since we or her might be stressed. Plus we need bibs to keep the food off of her. And a carrier, and a stroller…
We need converters and power strips and portable chargers. I’m just accepting that my hair won’t be cute to avoid purchasing additional electronics (although now that I think about it, I need another hat). We have to bring all the chargers.
I’d gotten rid of most of our clothes that are her size so we’ve been trying to piece together a wardrobe in the last couple of months, although we know height and weight, they are conflicting sizes…so we are bringing a range of sizes. And shoes. And accessories. Plus of course I need my girls to match some too!
On top of packing, we are also hosting an auction to fundraise for the last chunk of our travel costs (about $20,000). That’s been a lot of work. Travel costs aren’t just travel costs. One of the big chunks of money lumped in is a $7,000+ donation we are required to make to the orphanage. Plus being required to be in two different cities requires extra travel expense. And since we don’t know Chinese, we need a guide each place we go, and a one way ticket at the moment is a minimum of $1300.
So my mind is basically fried at all times.
And people keep asking me if I’m excited. And I feel a little bad about not jumping up and down with excitement, or sometimes just fibbing a bit, but my honest answer is, no. At the moment, I’m not excited. I’m trying to get all the crap done. I’m trying to be physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally prepared. Not just for the trip, but her coming home. It could be a nightmare, this tranistion for her. Which would mean it would be a nightmare for all of us. Or it could be everything we’ve prayed it would be…but we don’t know.
Plus there are still steps to complete, and until I’m signing paperwork in China, it’s not a done deal. And as many things have gone wrong or different or long, I know that things can happen.
Plus, if I’m excited, it means I’m thinking about her. If I’m thinking about her, I’m thinking of all she might be facing and dealing with. We KNOW there is physical, sexual, and emotional abuse taking place in her orphanage. And I am helpless to do anything more than pray. But I can’t be here, where I need to be mentally and emotionally for the kids and life I already have, and be thinking about her without breaking down. So I’ve compartmentalized. That compartment will be slowly disassembled on the way to China, but for now, I need to remain all business. Fill out the forms, research the options, buy the things, pack the things, scan and copy all the things, check the boxes and keep moving forward. My forward movement is my investment.
Even when excitement comes, anxiousness always accompanies it.
I believe strongly that adoption is not for everyone. It’s a calling, and not one to be entered lightly or unprepared. You need to be researched, educated and trained on how to parent a child from a trauma background. I joke that we almost researched ourselves out of adoption. We know the possibilities of what lie ahead, we know the risks, we know the dangers and worst case scenarios.
So excitement will come, but I will fight anxiousness alongside of it. This is guesswork, a giant leap of faith. We have never met this girl. I can tell you how she likes her food, and about the intensity in her eyes, and tell you all about the intricacies of her heart. But at the end of the day, I don’t know her and she certainly doesn’t know me. We will have to learn each other, and that may be a beautiful process filled with instant give and take, or it may be a beautiful process that is heart wrenching with screaming and pushing away that takes us laying our lives down for her over and over just like Christ did for us. It’s all unknown.
So for now, I’m focusing on the known. The lists, and the planning and the things. And maybe when we are on that plane; excitement.
So happy that another one of your dreams is coming true. Love you guys.
you are so good with explaining chaos of the heart 🙂 Praying for you and for dealing withh all the unexpected and expected. When the Lord is with us, who (or what) can be against us. Thank you for sharing your fears and your faith.