This morning I had an appointment with my personal trainer (free with gym membership), and to say I am sore, might be a bit of an understatement. As I sit here I’m having to control my posture and breathing to keep my lower abs from aching.
We had a preliminary meeting and assessment before we started workouts. We talked about areas where I am weak, and ways I’d like to get stronger. I knew these things about myself. I like working out. I like running and doing weights. When I leave from a workout on my own, I’m sweaty and stinky, and I feel like I’ve worked out.
But I’m still weak in areas.
That’s the beauty of a personal trainer. They will push you in ways you might not push yourself, and they will see things you don’t see. They also keep you from injuring yourself, spotting you and making sure you do motions correctly. It’s funny how just a slight difference can result in injury or success.
I want more personal training in life.
I want someone who will know my areas of weakness and push me in those areas. I want people around me who will see that even though I’m doing the motions, I need to tweak something just a bit to give it the full impact. I want the friends who I’m interacting with regularly enough to know those things about me, who observe actions and see what I’m doing and how I’m repetitively missing a step.
It’s hard to find those types of people.
One of the reasons is that often we don’t really know ourselves. We don’t know where our strengths and weaknesses are. If we want to be pushed, and grow, then we need to know ourselves well enough to know the areas we need to grow in. And we need to tell others. If you don’t share your areas of weakness, either others might not pick up on them, or they may not know it’s something you see and skirt the issue. If you don’t see or confront your own areas of weakness, you’ll surround yourself with people who won’t either. And that won’t help you get strong, or will result in injury.
Another reason finding relationships that challenge you is hard, is that there are a lot of unhealthy people out there. Like A LOT.
Being a personal trainer takes lots of, well, training. You wouldn’t go to the guy with a beer gut for personal training, would you? No, because if it doesn’t look like he actually works out himself, how can he teach you how to do it correctly? The same is said in relationships. If you want someone who will love you and help you grow, you better make sure that person knows how to love well, and isn’t afraid of pushing through the tough stuff to get stronger. Make sure they are healthy. (I say this for the relationships you are going to be extremely vulnerable in, not all relationships. Sometimes we are the catalyst to help people along the path of healthy, and we are called to love the healthy and unhealthy. We DO NOT have to open ourselves wide to the unhealthy though.)
Healthy can be a tricky thing, since it often takes awhile to assess, and people can be really good at faking. Healthy certainly doesn’t equal perfection though, because none of us can obtain that,
I’ve been reading this book and to say it has been life changing would not be overreach. It’s helped me assess what makes someone healthy and what types of relationships are safe. I’ve been texting friends pictures of book pages left and right. It’s been such a very important read in the midst of transition. If you’ve known me very long, you’ve probably heard me talk about the Boundaries book. This was another book that and a huge impact on me during a transitional period. I would say that this book is just as important a work as Boundaries from the same authors, and I think it would be best read prior to Boundaries.
Mainly because, there are some people that aren’t Safe People, and we don’t need to bother creating boundaries with them (unless necessary), we just need to walk away. That doesn’t mean a lack of grace or love, it just means being safe with who we let handle our hearts.
I love that it’s not just about choosing Safe People to be around, but also making sure that YOU are a safe person. How do you handle hearts? Do you have areas of weaknesses you need to get stronger in? It also helps you to see if you have a history of choosing unsafe people, and if so why.
These are all really important things I’ve needed to learn, and has helped me wade through some difficult decisions I was struggling with. If you ever have tension in any type of relationship (oh, everybody?) than these are both must reads.
I want to be strong. Not just in my arms and in my legs, but all over. I want to be strong spiritually and emotionally too. I don’t want to be really great at compassion and leadership, but be really weak at prayer and pride. I want to be strong all over, and in order to do that I need people around me that are going through work outs, who are studying and learning and growing. People that are in the game so they can see when I’m messing up my part of it, and will lovingly correct me and help me push through while cheering me on. I won’t get stronger without help. And just like I’m picky about who I would choose to coach me on how to get my body stronger, I’m learning that I need to be more picky about who I pick to come along side me to help me get spiritually and emotionally stronger too.
“It just means being safe with who we let handle our hearts.” Exactly.